Most of what you will read about getting ready for a baby is about things: car seats, cribs, a bag by the door. Those matter, and we cover them in detail on this site. But long before the nursery is painted, a husband and wife are already being changed into a father and mother. That change goes better when you make room for it on purpose.
This guide is about preparing in three layers, in the order the Church has always placed them: your souls, your marriage, and then your household.
Start with the soul
The arrival of a child is a sacred event. Every Christian tradition treats it that way, from the Orthodox prayers said over a mother on the first day after birth to the Anglican Prayer Book’s thanksgiving for the birth of a child. You do not have to wait until the baby comes to enter into that holiness.
Pray together, even briefly. Many couples find it awkward at first. Start small: an Our Father together before bed, or the evening prayers from your tradition’s prayer book. Five minutes a day for nine months is a long time spent before God as a family.
Go to confession. Catholic, Orthodox and many Anglican priests hear confessions, and a pregnancy is a natural time to make a good one. You will soon be teaching a child what repentance looks like, and that teaching is easier when you know it yourself.
Ask for a blessing. Your priest will almost always be glad to bless an expectant mother, and the father too. You do not need a special occasion; simply ask after the liturgy.
In your tradition: blessings before birth
CatholicThe Book of Blessings includes a blessing for parents before childbirth, and in the United States the bishops approved a “Blessing of a Child in the Womb,” which can be given at the end of Mass or on its own. Either can be offered by a priest or deacon.
OrthodoxOrthodox prayer books include prayers for a woman with child, and your priest can bless the mother and the family. He may also suggest an akathist to the Theotokos or to Saints Joachim and Anna for you to pray at home.
AnglicanPrayer books in the Anglican tradition include prayers for expectant parents and for the safe delivery of a child. Your rector can offer a blessing after a service or in your home.
Look to the families who went before you
Scripture is full of couples who waited for children and received them as gifts: Abraham and Sarah, Elkanah and Hannah, Zechariah and Elizabeth, and in Tradition, Joachim and Anna, the parents of the Mother of God. Read their stories together during the pregnancy. Hannah’s prayer in 1 Samuel 1–2 is a good place to begin.
Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. — Psalm 127:3
Modern saints offer company too. Saint Gianna Beretta Molla was a physician, wife and mother. Saints Louis and Zélie Martin raised five daughters, including Saint Thérèse of Lisieux. Choosing a patron for your family, or for this pregnancy, gives you someone to ask for help on hard days.
Tend the marriage first
The best gift you can give your child is a strong marriage. A baby will put new strain on your time, sleep, money and patience, so it helps to talk through the big things now while you are both rested.
Five conversations to have before the due date
- How will we share the work? Night feedings, laundry, meals and errands. Agree on a plan now, knowing you will adjust it.
- What will our faith life look like with a newborn? Which services will you attend in the first weeks? Who will stay home if the baby is sick? How will you keep praying together when you are exhausted?
- What do we want from our families? Grandparents usually mean well, and they can be a real help. Decide together how much help you want in the first weeks, and who will tell whom.
- How will we handle money? One income or two, leave from work, and what you will cut back on. Our guide to budgeting for a new baby (coming soon) walks through the numbers.
- How will we look after each other? Name the warning signs you each show when you are overwhelmed, and agree how the other should respond.
For husbands: your wife is carrying the child, but you are carrying the household with her. Go to appointments when you can. Learn the warning signs of pregnancy complications, so you are not the last to know when something needs a call to the doctor. Most of all, protect her rest.
For wives: let your husband in. Many new fathers feel unsure of their role until the baby is in their arms. Share what you are feeling, ask him to pray with you, and give him real jobs.
Then prepare the house
With your hearts and marriage in good order, the practical side becomes much less frantic. A simple timeline helps.
First trimester
- Choose your care provider. Our guide to choosing between an OB-GYN and a midwife explains the options.
- Start a prenatal vitamin with folic acid, if your doctor or midwife has not already advised it.
- Check your health insurance’s maternity coverage and your employers’ leave policies.
Second trimester
- Decide where you will give birth.
- Sign up for a childbirth class together.
- Begin setting up the nursery, starting with a safe place to sleep. See our nursery essentials guide.
- Talk with your priest about baptism, and start thinking about godparents. Our baptism planning guide covers each tradition.
Third trimester
- Write a short birth plan and share it with your provider.
- Pack the hospital bag by about week 36, and install the car seat.
- Stock the freezer and line up help for the first forty days.
Make a small prayer corner
One simple project that ties all three layers together is a family prayer corner. An icon or crucifix, a candle, a small shelf for a Bible and prayer book: that is all it takes. Put it somewhere you pass every day. When the baby comes, it becomes the place you bring them to be blessed, and later where they learn their first prayers. Our article on simple family prayers for babies and toddlers has words to start with.
A prayer for expectant parents
You may pray this together each evening, in your own words or these:
Almighty God, giver of life, you have entrusted to us the care of this child. Keep mother and child safe in your hands. Give us patience, courage and joy, and make our home a little church where this child will come to know and love you. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
None of this needs to be done perfectly. God is not asking you to be finished parents before the baby comes, only willing ones. Start where you are, and take the next small step together.
